- Seismometer;
I broke down on the street sobbing last night when I came back, as my glasses fell off when I took my mask off after getting off the train - and I didn’t notice. Once home a little later - I did and thought - fuck where are my glasses - hunted through the house and realised they must have fallen off when I took the mask off, but it was so cold and stormy and almost a gale so I didn’t notice. So, I went out into the storm and traced my steps, the light on my phone a weak hand held lighthouse. And in the end I did find them - down by the station - almost intact - the very end of one arm broke off… you can’t see that as it is hidden behind my ear - I still can wear them, but will need to fix somehow as it’s sharp. And why was I sobbing you might ask. I began sobbing once I found them. A secret unspeakable truth. At 11:45 at night on September 12th, 2020 I had the glasses next to me on the floor while I was doing my nightly stretches - when I got the message from Samara that we needed to speak ASAP. I knew then in that instant my mother had begun to die - and as I sat up - I put my hand down wrong and landed on the glasses - where the arm hinge bent slightly - wearable but a little off balance. And I have worn them that way ever since - somehow like a clock that stopped at the moment she began to leave me. And I fucking lost it thinking I had lost the glasses, but hadn’t and had found them, but never with her again. It is such a deep and complex animal, this grief, this loss, the dementia, all of it.
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